he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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