The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
