so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
