it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
