drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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