Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
