brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
