she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
