So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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