Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
