He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
