who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
COCAINE IS GR8
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