yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
