Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
