It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
