youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
