i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
