but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
