who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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