Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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