Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
