I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
