She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
