His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
