you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
