I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize