I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
