He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm getting married
To pizza
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
