that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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