Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
