1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
