apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
