Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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