i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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