Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
