I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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