bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
