wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
