apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
