I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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