He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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