I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
