I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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