Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
