Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
