Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
