He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize