I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
