Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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