Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just invented taco cereal.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
