u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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