is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's always time for handjobs
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
