i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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