Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
