i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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