I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
