wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
