I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
