turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize