I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize