At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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