He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
