I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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