Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
