i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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