There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
