At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize