Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
