I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
