true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize