I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
