Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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