after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
