Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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