So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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